Too Childish
Two days ago, I was thinking about what to post on Instagram, my inner critic was strong, so I thought, OK, I'm going to make it easy for me. I'm going to post a photo of me holding my Christmas present, Kuromi (one of the Sanrio characters), given to me by my husband.
Guess what? Once I posted it, my brain started coming down hard on me.
Look at you! You're 43, and you're showing yourself holding onto a doll?
Look at all the grey hair on your head.
Why do you have to show that? You're too childish.
I kid you not, it went on and on in my head. It got really uncomfortable.
And at the same time, I was really proud of myself, because if I can't even share this simple photo of myself, how could I share other things?
It once again showed me, all the rules and expectations that I had created in my brain, how there is an "appropriate" way to behave, how to act, what to do.
And this is the thing, there may be things in our lives that we want to do.
Maybe we want to try out belly dancing.
Maybe we want to post more on social media.
Maybe we want to write that book.
But our minds may start criticizing us, laying the rules on us.
You're too old to bellydance!
Who do you think you are? There are people who are more qualified than you!
Don't make me laugh, you? Write a book?
On and on and on (and on and on).
And they are extremely uncomfortable. So we end up making excuses, procrastinating..
For me, I had to face my fear, so I could separate out myself from that voices that doesn't belong to me. It's only through this process, I could then pry each finger off, one by one, so I can let myself go and be free.
And I have to get to know it first, in order for me to pry them off.
