Claudia Chan

Happy September!!!

I had the last week to Aug off to prepare for our son going to Gr 2, we had a few days of fun, and then I got sick.

But since it’s September, so want to come back to share my tips and tricks to help you stand for yourself.

I’m a pretty aggressive driver, so I get road rage a lot.

Anyway, yesterday, I was trying to make a left turn, and there was a car that was about to do a right turn (from the oncoming traffic), but it was too slow, so I went first, and of course, the driver honked at me. So I thought, “Yeah yeah, whatever, you’re too slow.”

Today while driving, I was about to come to the light to make a right turn, there was no car in my lane, but two cars on the left lane. As I was coming closer to the intersection, the second car on the left lane decided to come into my lane to be the “first” car. But it was heading straight, so I was stuck behind this car for the entire light. I was like, you little F-ker…

But funny enough, I didn’t really get too angry today. I was like.. humm.. interesting… maybe it’s because I allowed myself to be an a-hole yesterday, so today, I let this person be the a-hole.

And this is exactly what I wanted to try with you today.

Often times, we feel as if other people are forcing us to do things against our wishes. And we’d get so mad! How can they be so disrespectful!

Arrggg, my mom is forcing me to invite more of her friends that I don’t know to my wedding! 😡😡😡

Oh gosh…. My friend is once again calling me to help her with whatever emergency she has to deal with in her life! 😩😩😩

And we’d often get mad or frustrated at them because we felt as if we’re forced into the situation, and we had no choice.

Yet, we do have a choice.

We just didn’t want make that choice because we don’t want to be an a-hole.

We want to be the good daughter, good friend.

And I get it. Because we’d always been the good daughter, the good friend.

So for once, let’s allow ourselves to be the a-hole! So we can say no.

Even just for once in our mind, so we can visualize it for a bit.

If you have a scenario in your head, you can use that too.

So here’re the steps:

First is to declare your desire, what do you want in your situation?

Maybe you don’t want anymore of your mom’s friends at your wedding.

Or you don’t want to take care of your friend’s emergencies any longer.

What about you? What do you want?

Now that you’ve decided, then make this declaration:

I allow myself to be an a-hole!

Which means, if you’re an a-hole, how does it feel like in your body?

For me, I feel as if my shoulders are back, I’m proud of myself, I don’t give two-💩’s about people’s feelings, they can react anyway they want, and I don’t care.

What about you? If you’re an a-hole how does it feel for you?

And once you got that feeling, just imagine doing that thing you want.

Play it out in your head…

Imagine saying to mom, no more of your friends at my wedding!

Or imagine saying to the friend, I am tired of taking care of your BS emergencies! I’m not doing it anymore!

Just imagine doing that thing you want to do….

How does that feel?

Yeah,.. kind of weird. And yet, this is the necessary first step to standing up for you.

Because guess what?

Standing up for yourself means the guilt-trip will come,

the dramatic cries will come,

the deadly silences will come.

Even though you’re not really an a-hole, in their eyes, you will be one.

So you can use this as one of your visualization exercises.

You don’t actually need to be an a-hole to them.

It’s just when you can allow yourself to be one, then you can allow others to be however they want to be.

And you’ll be more prepared in dealing with their outbursts.

I hope this helps you in your journey of YOU!

I have 5 1:1 coaching spots open for the month of September, I work closely with those who feel they have trouble speaking up to their parents or they want to gain more confidence in standing up for themselves.

Book a ​free 20-min consult​ with me, and we can figure out where you’re stuck, and how we can get you to have a stronger voice to say no others, and say more yeses to yourself!