Claudia Chan

One thing that I have to be very mindful of, is to be aware of what I say to myself, because I can be outright nasty to me.

Story 5: Love me through my ugly

Growing up, my mom nagged at me a lot, from what to do, to how to do them. And she wouldn’t stop talking until I was done, and even then she would talk about it some more, questioning why I did what I did, or tell me how I should have done it differently.

It was a week or so ago, I went roller skating with my son. It was his first time skating and I became an extreme helicopter parent. I kept reminding him to bend his knees, look up, etc. I was doing it because I didn’t want him to fall and hurt himself. Midway through, I kept biting my tongue to let it go, because I needed him to do it by himself.

And most of all, I didn't want his brain to develop this nasty voice.

A voice that is quick to myself, and judge others.

One that is relentless.

One day during my Ignite (speaking) classes, we got sent into Breakout Zoom room.

"Okay everyone, I'm going to give you 3 minutes, and you can try out your technique", said my coach.

The first person went.

And my brain started chattering, "Wow, she's so good! I still have nothing yet!"

When the second person finished. "Claudia, you'll be next, have you written anything down yet?"

"Claudia, do want to go next?" my coach pipped up.

My heartbeat thumped against my ears, my mind went blank.

Some broken words came out...

"Uhh.. I don't have the rest figured out yet." the words stammered out from my dried mouth.

My coach softened his voice, "Claudia, take a deep breath in."

Air flowed past my nostrils, my chest quickly tightened up, and tears instantly welled up my eyes. My inner critic screamed at me:

"As mom said, you're not articulate enough, what do you think you're trying to do?"

"You think you can get good at this? That's a joke right?!"

"How is it that others can just pick it up so far? I don't have what it takes.."

After this class, I happened to have a coaching session.

My coach asked me what I'd like to talk about, and I told him about this.

Right away, my tears started pouring down my face.

"What do you think your head make it means?" he asked me.

"That I'm stupid, and I can't do this. I'll never be good at this."

And he said, "The truth is, it just feels that way."

"How is it not true if it feels so true?" I asked...

He said, "I know, just keep crying, and let it all out, just know that in the back of your head, it doesn't mean it."

My tears flowed for 17 minutes.

At first, my tears came because it felt so painful.

But near the end, as I kept crying, my head cleared. I just needed the feeling out.

My head could separate out the feeling (since it's cleared out), from the sentence.

It just felt painful because it was hammered in my head that I wasn't good enough.

And the truth is, I wasn't good enough yet. I just needed to practice. I could get good at this through practicing.

I could still love myself right now. Being able to hold, "I'm good enough" in one hand, and "I'm going to keep practicing to become better" in the other.

Loving my imperfect, ugly self.

Once again, this is something that I will continuously be working on, and I owe it to coaching.

This is one of the most powerful tools I'd ever used for me, and on me. Without doing this work, I wouldn't be able to love myself, to be proud of myself, to change myself.

So there you have it, 5 stories of how coaching changed my life.

If you wonder whether or not this is for you, I’d like to invite you to have a ​20 min consult​ with me.

On one hand, you really don't need coaching, yet on the others, if you'd like someone to walk through this path with you, I'm here to walk with you, guide you, support you and cheer you on. You don't have to do this alone.

And whether or not you work with me, here’s something I’d like to invite you to do. Keep exploring who you are, keep expanding yourself, and keep loving yourself. Because you’re worth it.