Claudia Chan

I was in Gr 2.

For homework, we were given a piece of paper, with the cut outs of the windmill printed on the paper. Along with it, we were given a small pearl straight pin, and a plastic straw.

When I got home, I was so excited to get started!! There were hard lines and dotted lines on the print out, so I cut out the windmill carefully with scissors.

Then I looked at the cut out.. I knew I was supposed to bring part of it to the middle.

I brought the pointy part to the centre.. but it didn’t look right.

“Mommy can you help me with this?”

When she saw it.. she sighed.

“That’s not how you do it!” She grumbled.

Then sat down, and took over the project, the entire time, she had a scowl on her face.

A lump formed in my chest and tears welled up my eyes…

I’m so dumb.. I don’t know how to do this on my own, and mom is mad at me.

That was the fixed mindset environment I grew up in. ​

That I was either good at something, or I’m too dumb for it.

And for me, I was too dumb for many things.

I believed that I was the problem, and I just wasn’t good enough.

What I needed, was my mom to guide me, to show me, to let me know that it was okay that I didn’t know. I just had to take time to learn.​

Yet, I had to learn on my own that it is okay not to know.

It is okay to suck at stuff in the beginning.

It’s okay to make mistakes.

I also had to learn that there are people who are good at things, and suck at teaching.

My mom sucked at teaching.

Sometimes, we have a tendency to not ask for help, because we sometimes don’t want to get judgement or poor reactions thrown at our faces.

Other times, when other people react poorly at us, rather than understanding that they are the problem, we may believe that we are the problem.

Have you ever been in a situation where you just needed some help or reassurance, but instead, you ended up thinking that something’s wrong with you?

I just want you to know that you’re not alone in on this.

Nothing is wrong with you for not knowing, or needing to ask for help. Nothing is wrong with you for wanting guidance.

You just didn’t get a proper response.

If you want to do something that calls you to, go and do that thing. I’d like to invite you to go after it. With the new year coming ahead, it’s not too late, you’re not too stupid (or too fat, or too weak, or whatever you put). You still get to try it. Find the people who are willing to show you, and go for it for you. Let's break the cycle of the fixed mindset, and get more into the growth mindset.