Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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The other side of being courageous

December 10, 2023

Is there something you really want to do in your life if you’re a bit more “courageous”?

You may think courage is only needed for things like speaking on stage.

But what about standing up to your mom to tell her to stop criticizing you?

How about telling your boss, “no I cannot handle this other thing that you put on my plate”?

And maybe telling your spouse that it is time they stop yelling at you, or being disrespectful to you?

These things also take courage.

Last Friday, my colleagues and I were filming a segment of Christmas song for a fun video, and one of them brought in a moose hat and a reindeer hat.

She was going to wear the moose hat, but because my other colleague didn’t want to wear the reindeer hat, so she refused to wear the moose hat. She said, “I can’t wear that!” I said, “Yes you can”
Nope, she refused to wear it because other people are not wearing it. So I ended up wearing it, all by myself.

Yes, being different takes courage.

Often times, we hear sentences like, Don’t be scared! Just do it! Just show up! You’ll never be ready, so do it anyways!

Sounds good! BUT..

There is another side to this, which is what I often face when I tap into my courage. And I want to share this with you.

After I had done that thing that is scary,

I always end up criticizing myself for not being good enough

I always end up comparing myself to other people even though I know intellectually I am comparing 🍎 to 🍊

I become extremely anxious, self-conscious, self-loathing, and I wonder why I even show up.

“Look at you! You looked like a fool!”

“Look how mad you made your mom!!”

“Who do you think you are, there are other people who are saying the same thing better than you!”

Nothing has gone wrong, because when we become courageous to show up and stand for something, it’s like how cavemen and cavewomen went out to fight the tiger, the lion the crocodile in the old days!

There is a pre-fight: Holy shit!! What is this thing!! I have to fight it!

There is a during-the-fight: arrrrrhhhhh let’s go!!!! Dammit It’s too strong!

There is a post-fight: OMG that was so scary! I can’t believe I almost got killed!

It is all part of the nervous system activation!! So it is normal!

In the old days, we have a beast to blame.

Nowadays, we have nothing to blame except us! (How could you be so rude to your mom?!) So cue the self-devaluing things we say to ourselves!

Nothing has gone wrong.

I am learning to take time for me to recalibrate my mind.

When this voice comes up, I learn to sit with it and say, “Hey, whatever it is, it’s not true. You don’t need to compare, you don’t need to put yourself down. You’re ok. Everything is ok.”

And “HEY!!! What an awesome incredible job to stand up for you and show up!!”

Part of being courageous to show up, is the need to put in 2x+ the amount of time to prepare the mind for the actual thing; and 2x+ the amount of time for the mind to recover!

And it’s rare other people show you this, or talk about this.

Let’s normalize this!

Before showing up (I mean even sharing this email with you), I had to prepare my own mind. “What if they don’t like me? What if they hate me?” I actually have to say to my mind, hey, no one is going to hate you, and if they really hate it, they can unsubscribe, or you can block them.

During showing up while doing the thing, my heart would be pounding and my mind would say, “Claudia, what the f are you doing!!! stop it now!!”

After showing up, I deal with all the self doubt, sometimes get sad when I see people unsubscribed; or get upset when other people get mad at me, and then I also tell myself, hey, they have to learn to take care of their own emotions! And YOU DID IT!! You showed up and that’s all it matters!!!!!

There is a lot of ugly stuff I had to learn to deal from behind this “act of courage”.

So, if there is something you really want to do, but find you can’t do it yet… you’re not alone.

Maybe, just maybe it is because this action takes courage.

Just for today, decide at which stage you’re at, are you at the pre-stage? During- stage? Or Post- stage?

Becoming aware of this is the first step.

I applaud you for dealing with the things in your life! I celebrate you!

If you would like some support to go forward with what you want, you can always reach out to me! I am here to help. Send me an email or book a time with me!

On another note, I’d been working on something and I’m really excited about it! I can’t wait to share it with you!!!

Watch out for this in the upcoming email!

Thank you so much for reading!

Just want you to know, you are loved and cared for. You are not alone.

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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