Claudia Chan

Very short video today 

1 be ok to feel how you feel 

2 give your inner child what she/he/they need 

3 allow yourself to be more you. 

I was watching one of my coach’s videos, and he said, forgiveness is not a verb. Forgiveness is a byproduct of things you’re doing. Maybe you’re working through the anger or pain.

So how does gratitude come in? When I work with my clients, I ask them to do a Letting Go exercise. It’s a 10 day exercise where for the first 9 days, you write a letter to the person who’d hurt you. Let them know how they hurt you, and all the feelings you had for them. Once you’re done, you rip it up.

Then on the 10th day, you write a thank you letter, in the form of, “thank you for doing this to me so that I learned…”

And this is where the gratitude comes in. Because once you are able to shift how you look at the situation, what you’d learned from it, then you no longer pay attention to how that person has hurt you, so you let go and “forgive” the person. So it’s a byproduct.

Similarly, when we’re in a depressive state where we feel nothing is working, we do the gratitude exercise, to thank everything in our lives.

I recommend the YouTube video by Ken Honda called One Word. You can search for that.

For those of us who had gone through horrible experiences, maybe sexual assault or physical abuse, you don’t necessarily have to thank the experience, take time to thank yourself, for overcoming the experience. That you are able to survive that. And now you’re here on the other side.

Give thanks to that.

And as we keep being grateful, things will start shifting.

Now someone asked me if it will work.

The honest answer is I don’t know.

And at the same time, try it out, if it doesn’t work, try something else.

The main thing is to be in action, because that’s where shift comes in.

I hope this helps you. If you have any questions, put it in the comment line or send me a message.

I want to thank you for watching. I’m grateful for you in my life.

Sending you lots of love.

I’m going to speak in terms of you being the one whose parents disapprove of, and the one when your partner’s parents disapprove of you.

If your parents disapprove of your partner:

You have to go back into your heart to ask yourself, what is it that I know, and what is it that I want.

Because you want to be certain about this is the person you want to be with, cause if not, then why bother going through the storm?

And at the same time, are you clear in terms of who your partner really is? Because sometimes we may fight against our parents so much that we want to prove ourselves, and we may end up missing red flags.

So it all goes back to your certainty, are you able to have an open discussion/ communication with your partner so you are ONE unit.

If you’re the one your partner’s parents disapprove of.

Then your partner in this instance has to be the one to make that final decision.

And I see this a lot if this partner is a guy, because when it comes to the Asian culture, the boy is the one with “more expectations”, so if they’re not strong enough to say, “I want to be with you”, then they can be easily swayed by their parents.

You then in this instance, also have to look out for yourself, because if your partner doesn’t have the capacity to stand up for you, protect you from his parents, then you have to decide whether you want to stay or not.

When I work with my clients, I always make sure they take away three things: 1 certainty in themselves, 2 tools to calm themselves down 3 ways to navigate through the difficult conversations.

That’s because we don’t know what may happen, maybe the parents may abandon them, maybe the partner may end up leaving, so I need them to know that they have what it takes to handle different scenarios that get thrown at them.

If you have any questions, you can always send them to me.

And whenever you’re ready to do this for yourself, book a time with me.

When I was having my fight with my mom, I wanted to get out. But since I grew up pampered, I was hesitant in moving out.

So truth was… moving out was too expensive, moving out meant sharing laundry with others, and these two things were kind of stopping me.

So what is stopping you?

I had created a few videos on the four area of independence (psychological, financial, physical, emotional), so which area do you need to work on?

Be honest with yourself, and list them out. Because once you list them out, sometimes it doesn’t seem as daunting as it’s inside your head.

Then learn to calm yourself down, like with my video, 3 techniques to reduce stress and anxiety.

Once you’re calmed enough, then you can figure out a plan for yourself. It may be a one year plan, or 3 years plan. And it’s a plan.

Being honest with yourself and being able to calm yourself down will let you see that you can indeed do something about your situation.

You’d gone through hardship before, you’d overcome difficult situations before, this is just another one of them.

I get it, it seems like everyone and everything is against you, and yet, you have what it takes to overcome this.

You’re not alone let’s do this together.

Reddit free resources

https://www.reddit.com/user/Claudia_Chan/comments/1jautq5/free_resources

Sept 1st, which means we will have four months. And as I was thinking about what I want to achieve, I want to share what does it mean to be in transformation.

Transformation has 3 parts.

Irritation - the part that you’re angry, frustrated, irritated about.

Declaration - what you no longer tolerate

Surrendered action - you’re unattached to the results while you take the action

for me, I know a lot of my clients are actually annoyed and irritated that their parents are controlling them. And they no longer want their parents to dictate how to live their lives.

And for others, maybe they want better health or a new job, and they’re frustrated that it seems every time they want to make the change, something happens that stops them. And their declaration may be, I no longer let these things stop me.

It’s only when you can notice the irritation, and make the declaration, then we can move into the surrendered action.

So what do you want changed in your life? what is your irritation and your declaration? Once we can identify these, then we can move onto the next step.

Send me an email or comment below. Would love to know your response.

If you feel stuck… you’re not alone.

Sometimes I feel like this too, and today is one of those days.

One of the practices I do is to say Thank You.

So today I just want to share my gratitude list.

It may seem like you’re holding onto stuckness too. I want you to know that you’re not alone. I invite you to do this for yourself. Saying thank you for all the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sending you lots of love.

Yesterday, I went to the mall, and my son wanted to buy something from the bookstore. Before we left, I saw this Hello Kitty planner, which was really cute. And he asked, mommy, are you getting anything?

I thought about it, and said, no. 

Last night, I came across one of my coach’s videos. He said, a lot of times, we would write an IOU to our subconscious mind. 

If we succeed, then we will… 

Yet a lot of times, when we did succeed, we tend not to fulfill that promise. 

Or worse, others times, we gave up before we even got the result. 

And our subconscious mind knows that, we were just lying to it. 

So that’s why our subconscious mind didn’t want to do what we want to support us (what our conscious mind wants, ie work out to have better health, or work on our business to make us successful) 

He said, our subconscious mind doesn’t care about money or success. He said it’s like a 3 yo, very easy to have tantrums. It just knows what it wants, and what it doesn’t want. 

So I’m figuring out what mine wants. 

So that I can get it to align with my conscious mind. 

What do you think about this? Would love to hear your thoughts.