Claudia Chan

I’m going to speak in terms of you being the one whose parents disapprove of, and the one when your partner’s parents disapprove of you.

If your parents disapprove of your partner:

You have to go back into your heart to ask yourself, what is it that I know, and what is it that I want.

Because you want to be certain about this is the person you want to be with, cause if not, then why bother going through the storm?

And at the same time, are you clear in terms of who your partner really is? Because sometimes we may fight against our parents so much that we want to prove ourselves, and we may end up missing red flags.

So it all goes back to your certainty, are you able to have an open discussion/ communication with your partner so you are ONE unit.

If you’re the one your partner’s parents disapprove of.

Then your partner in this instance has to be the one to make that final decision.

And I see this a lot if this partner is a guy, because when it comes to the Asian culture, the boy is the one with “more expectations”, so if they’re not strong enough to say, “I want to be with you”, then they can be easily swayed by their parents.

You then in this instance, also have to look out for yourself, because if your partner doesn’t have the capacity to stand up for you, protect you from his parents, then you have to decide whether you want to stay or not.

When I work with my clients, I always make sure they take away three things: 1 certainty in themselves, 2 tools to calm themselves down 3 ways to navigate through the difficult conversations.

That’s because we don’t know what may happen, maybe the parents may abandon them, maybe the partner may end up leaving, so I need them to know that they have what it takes to handle different scenarios that get thrown at them.

If you have any questions, you can always send them to me.

And whenever you’re ready to do this for yourself, book a time with me.

When I was having my fight with my mom, I wanted to get out. But since I grew up pampered, I was hesitant in moving out.

So truth was… moving out was too expensive, moving out meant sharing laundry with others, and these two things were kind of stopping me.

So what is stopping you?

I had created a few videos on the four area of independence (psychological, financial, physical, emotional), so which area do you need to work on?

Be honest with yourself, and list them out. Because once you list them out, sometimes it doesn’t seem as daunting as it’s inside your head.

Then learn to calm yourself down, like with my video, 3 techniques to reduce stress and anxiety.

Once you’re calmed enough, then you can figure out a plan for yourself. It may be a one year plan, or 3 years plan. And it’s a plan.

Being honest with yourself and being able to calm yourself down will let you see that you can indeed do something about your situation.

You’d gone through hardship before, you’d overcome difficult situations before, this is just another one of them.

I get it, it seems like everyone and everything is against you, and yet, you have what it takes to overcome this.

You’re not alone let’s do this together.

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Sept 1st, which means we will have four months. And as I was thinking about what I want to achieve, I want to share what does it mean to be in transformation.

Transformation has 3 parts.

Irritation - the part that you’re angry, frustrated, irritated about.

Declaration - what you no longer tolerate

Surrendered action - you’re unattached to the results while you take the action

for me, I know a lot of my clients are actually annoyed and irritated that their parents are controlling them. And they no longer want their parents to dictate how to live their lives.

And for others, maybe they want better health or a new job, and they’re frustrated that it seems every time they want to make the change, something happens that stops them. And their declaration may be, I no longer let these things stop me.

It’s only when you can notice the irritation, and make the declaration, then we can move into the surrendered action.

So what do you want changed in your life? what is your irritation and your declaration? Once we can identify these, then we can move onto the next step.

Send me an email or comment below. Would love to know your response.

If you feel stuck… you’re not alone.

Sometimes I feel like this too, and today is one of those days.

One of the practices I do is to say Thank You.

So today I just want to share my gratitude list.

It may seem like you’re holding onto stuckness too. I want you to know that you’re not alone. I invite you to do this for yourself. Saying thank you for all the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sending you lots of love.

Yesterday, I went to the mall, and my son wanted to buy something from the bookstore. Before we left, I saw this Hello Kitty planner, which was really cute. And he asked, mommy, are you getting anything?

I thought about it, and said, no. 

Last night, I came across one of my coach’s videos. He said, a lot of times, we would write an IOU to our subconscious mind. 

If we succeed, then we will… 

Yet a lot of times, when we did succeed, we tend not to fulfill that promise. 

Or worse, others times, we gave up before we even got the result. 

And our subconscious mind knows that, we were just lying to it. 

So that’s why our subconscious mind didn’t want to do what we want to support us (what our conscious mind wants, ie work out to have better health, or work on our business to make us successful) 

He said, our subconscious mind doesn’t care about money or success. He said it’s like a 3 yo, very easy to have tantrums. It just knows what it wants, and what it doesn’t want. 

So I’m figuring out what mine wants. 

So that I can get it to align with my conscious mind. 

What do you think about this? Would love to hear your thoughts. 

In my previous video, I talked about how when we want to do something that we’re afraid of, we may sometimes come up with reasons, or latch onto someone to “blame” our anxiety on. 

When we are able to separate other people’s actions, and dive in deep to figure out what we’re really scared of, the next step is to take surrendered actions. 

A lot of times we don’t want to take actions because of the disappointment we’ll get from the results. 

So after a few tries, when we don’t see what we want, we may give up. 

Surrendered action is to take the action while separating out the result. Separating out what we can control from what we cannot control. 

By doing this, then we can celebrate our efforts, and keep trying, doing whatever it takes to eventually get that result. 

This also gives us a chance to practice speaking nicer to ourselves. Letting us know that we are indeed moving along toward where we want. 

I recently came across a few posts, saying that they feel overwhelmed, frustrated that their moms were pressuring to find a job. 

Today, my question for you, is it really your mom? Or is there something inside of you holding you back?  

While growing up, I always thought that, “if only my mom was more supportive of me”. 

I quit one of the MLMs, and then there were so many times my mom would say things, “You’re not articulate enough..”

So when I got married, I thought, now I have more time and opportunities! 

I started off with colouring journals, then calligraphy and engraving. 

But each time I lost interest and jumped. 

It was through my own inner work, that I realized.. it’s because I was scared to show up. 

Afraid to be judged, didn’t want to seem like I don’t know what I’m doing, so I held myself back from saying, “hey, look at me! This is what I offer, work with me!”

In one of my previous videos, I talked about fear is 2 steps away. 

It’s not going to say, hey, don’t show up because you’re not enough. 

It’ll say, oh, look at your mom going on and on pressuring you, so let’s use her as an excuse (not saying your mom is not annoying). 

Or oh look at this job, you don’t have the appropriate qualifications. 

The reasons are always two steps away. 

So how we go about figuring out what exactly we’re scared of, we have to cut out our parents actions.

If my mom is not pressuring me. What am I saying about myself? 

Give ourselves time to sit and discover that for ourselves. 

Then we can calm ourselves down and figure out what are some actions we can take. 

I hope you give yourself a chance to figure that out. 

If you have questions after watching this, ask me, so I can explain some more. 

Ready to do this work? Book a time with me. 

Pressure from mom? Or from yourself?