Expecting your kids to take care of you and your other kids???

When our children are young, I totally understand that it’s important to instil a sense of responsibility into them. Teach them what it means to help out, so they can take care of themselves.

I have a 7 yo son, I do want him to be more independent, so that he is capable of looking after himself when he grows up.
Now what I’d like to talk about is this:

The idea that parents giving birth to their child (or children), and then expecting them to take care of them and the other siblings.

I totally believe that when parents give birth to their kids, they shouldn’t expect their kids to be responsible for them and their siblings.

😮😮😮😮 “Claudia, how can you be so selfish!!”

I know, even writing this out, a part of me feels guilty because it sounds selfish.

Here is the thing: I love my parents, I appreciate that they had given up so much for me, to raise me, so that I can grow into who I am today.

And if anything happens to them, of course I will do all that I can to be there for them.

And I acknowledge that I am extremely privileged, my parents had the ability to save enough money, and had the capacity to raise me in a way that I never had to go to work while studying, and I didn’t have to borrow money to finish school.

And they are in a healthy financial situation where I don’t actually have to worry about them.

And I know that there are many people who don’t have that luxury.

And, this is also a true story, where my grandma (dad’s mom) expected my dad, the eldest of five) to leave school to work, so that he had to earn money to take care of his siblings. (And it was his godmother who encouraged him to take night school, so that he had the qualification). Then my grandma indicated that my uncle (the second son), that he had to financially care for her and my grandfather once he completed school and found a job.

So often, I see that parents give birth to kids, because they put an expectation on their elder kids to take on the “parent’s job”. In this case, either being a financial help, or take care of other siblings in the household. (I even saw it on Super Nanny!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯)

This puts so much strain on the kids, on the siblings.

So that’s why I caution moms I work with, to become aware of the type of expectations they placed on themselves, and on their kids.

Just because you gave birth to them, just because you’re their mother, your kids are not obligated to take care of you, or your other kids.

You gave birth to them, they didn’t ask to be born.

Parenting is your job, giving birth to your kids is your choice; so they are your responsibility, not theirs.

If your kids end up taking care of you, and taking care of their siblings, it could be either they have this invisible weight of “they have to”, which breeds resentment, or they really want to because they love you.

So please don’t take it for granted.
And to end this post,

I saw this video of Mel Robbins interviewing her 18 yo son. I want to share this part, where his headmaster was speaking to the parents in his school. It was really good, so I have to share it,

It’s about parent’s roles in their kids’ lives.