Claudia Chan

Overcoming my perfectionism was one of the things that was hardest for me.

Since I was young, my mom had taught me never show others my flaws.

Things have to be well put together, never share with others I was struggling.

In Chinese, there is a saying, “Lifting up your shirt to show off your belly”, which means to share these vulnerable stories with others.

These are things no one wants to see.

These are things that bring shame to the person and to the family.

So when I was dating my now husband, and my mom and I were arguing with each other.. she told me to never share any of our fights with him.

Because these are “internal struggles” within the family, and it shouldn’t leak out.
One should never tell others what’s underneath, to protect our dignity, to save face.

It was extremely difficult for me to do, because it was such a big emotional toll. So I did share it with him and others at the time.

And then when I started sharing more about myself with the world, my internal voice kept questioning, kept criticizing.
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That is too much info, you’re bringing shame to the family

This is too vulnerable, no one really cares.

No one wants to know about it.

No one cares about it.

Thinking that no one really cares is one of the hardest things I had to work though in my psyche.

I didn’t want to share it with others, because I didn’t want to burden them.

More over, I didn’t want to get hurt, or disappointed, if it was somehow true.

And even more important than that.. do I care?

Do I care enough about me to share what’s on my mind?

Even when no one will listen to me, do I value my opinions enough for me to speak out?

Even when other people cast me aside, do I see myself as someone worthy to be heard?

I had to work on finding evidence of the contrary, because whatever one believes, one will find.

There are still times I fall back into the old logic, maybe no one cares…

And each time, I get to choose.

I choose to care abut myself.

I choose to value my opinions.

I choose to see myself worthy.

Because I maybe not be so important, and I’m very important at the same times.

So I choose to lift up my shirt for others to see.

To share my stories even when they may bring shame.

So that people can also know that they are not alone in this world.

Sharing is not to bring shame. It takes strength and courage to share. And at the same time, I care enough about me.

Sometimes, we have a tendency to hold back on sharing, maybe we may think that the other person is too busy to hear us out.

Other times, we may be afraid that, if we share too much, maybe the other person may get scared away.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to share a story, and yet when it was about to come out, you changed your mind and stopped yourself from sharing?

I had found myself in those situations often.

I just want to let you know that, you're not alone. If you'd like a place to share something with us, you have a chance tomorrow.

My friend Phoebe and I are hosting our end of the year Radiant Blossom, we'll be recounting some of the things that we'd gone through this year.

If you're up for it, send me a message and mark it in your calendar so you can join us. Tomorrow, Dec 27th 8pm EST (Dec 28th 9am Beijing Time).