Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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I was NEVER allowed this when I was young!!

November 7, 2022

This happens to me almost every weekend:

My son being on the iPad for 3 hours

Me: “You’d been on it for too long, have to stop now.”
My son: *screaming and crying* “You don’t allow me to do anything!”  
Me: “I’d let you watch for the last 3 hours!” 

I’d try my best to calmly explain to him and help him deal with his emotions. But really, deep inside I just want to take the iPad away and tell him No More Watching! 

And I wonder if I spoil my son too much, or if I’m too strict with him. 

Have you ever had this happen before? Have you ever wonder why this is so triggering? 

Here’s why; because you have this thought:

“I was never allowed to do that when I was young!”

Maybe your parents were strict, and never allowed you to do anything you wanted. 
Maybe they hit you when you cross the line. 
When they laid down the rules, that was the law and you had to follow. 

There was no talking back at them, or questioning their authority. 

So when you kid starts rebelling and testing their boundaries, it can be very triggering! 

Because you weren’t allowed to do these things. 

Tapping into what I want 

Having my son really taught me what it means to tap into one’s desire. 

Never did I once rebelled against my mom. Whatever my mom said was the “law”

And as much as it is frustrating to deal with my son when he has his tantrums, I’m actually very proud of him. 

Because I want him to tap into what he wants and be able to use his voice to advocate for himself. 

So many times, our desires were suppressed. When we want something, we get told No over and over. 

We get told that what we want are not reasonable, that they aren’t going to make money, that they’re just a hobby, that they are just a waste of time. 

I want my son to be able to admit to himself and be able to say, “this is what I want to do, this is how I’m going to make it work.” Without limits being placed around him. 

I want him to be able to explore his own interests, so that his creativity can open up. 

I want him to be able to trust what it is he wants, without second guessing himself, and not be persuaded by what other people say. 

Which also means, I have to do that for me. 

I have to tap into what I want, go after what I want, no matter what other people say about me. 

So when I feel triggered now, I know it’s because there was a limit placed around me, and I have to break that. 

Which means I have to keep asking myself where I am willing to draw the line, so that I can be comfortable with my son’s exploration and my own acceptance. 

If this is something you’d like to explore, try a 30min free coaching session with me.  

We can go through that and figure out how far you’re willing to push the limits, both for yourself (so you can learn to be more you), and for your kids. 

Book your session now.

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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