Claudia Chan

I don’t want my son to grow up feeling the need to do things just to hear me say, “I love you”.

Or have the need to take an action just to hear me tell him “I’m proud of you”.

Two days ago, while my husband, Anthony was taking a shower, Damien, our son, snuck onto the iPad. (He found out the password, and I decided not to change it.)

Of course, Anthony caught him, and he kept saying, “I’m sorry daddy”, and, “don’t tell mommy”.

Anthony told me after I came home, Damien was asleep at the time. I got a bit annoyed because right now, I’m trying to figure out how to deal with his constant need to go on screen. And at the same time, I felt a bit sad that he felt he needed to hide his mistakes.

And Anthony said that he wants Damien to know that we still love him, no matter what decisions he makes.

So it got me thinking about how I interact with Damien.

Last night, I read Dogman to Damien, and one of the main characters made a “mistake”, and at the end he was sad because he felt he wasn’t “perfect”.

And the other character replied with, “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” Which was quoted from East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

So I said this to him:

I want you to know that, I’m proud of you, even when you make mistakes, even when you try new things and you fail, even when you are afraid to do something, even when you don’t know what to do. I still love you, and I’m proud of you. I love you for who you are.

And he said, ok.

I don’t know how much he understands it. And I know I just need to keep reminding him.

And I also want to say this to you:

I’m proud of you, and I love you.

Despite all your mistakes, despite all your fear, of all the times you struggled, fell down, and climbed back up, or still figuring things out, or even in the midst of pulling yourself up. You are you, and I’m proud of you.

“Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”