Claudia Chan

As a Chinese girl who grew up in Canada, I grew up with “community”, caring a lot able what other people would say, saving face.

Many times, my mom would tell me not to be polish, flawless, I need to be put together, no airing out dirty laundry, making sure other people see me as competent. So I have a hard time sharing my struggles, asking for help.

But that is not the real me.

And growing up in the west means individualism. Having my point of view, sharing my opinions. I was deemed selfish, inappropriate, self-centered.

And every time I tried to stand up for me, it was like I was one of the crabs in the bucket, I get pulled back down.

But where it started off as a “strong” community, I needed to be stronger in my voice. So I have to swing from one side to the other.

And once I have my own voice, where it is strong enough, then I can come back to community.

Where the initial community circle is a “blended colour”. Now that my voice is stronger and coming back, the new community is a circle with individual coloured dots.

So we can care for each other, love each other’s differences, support each others’ struggles, celebrate each other’s successes.

And this is the community I want to create. Because I care for a community where it supports my son, accepts him for who he is, not change him into “someone else”.

And when I can stand up with my voice, then it gives other people permission to stand up with their voices.

What do you think about community vs individualism?