Why is it difficult to claim your power?
Today I want to talk about this concept of power, because I saw this video from Sven, where he talks about the 3 types of power.
And what I want to talk about is, why it’s so hard to claim this power for ourselves.
Recently, I heard a few people, including one of my clients, say, “I am just fed up that my parents would just call me, and all they want is for me to send them money or do things for them. And they never even ask how I am doing.
And even on Reddit, where people would talk about how their parents are making them invite people they don’t want to their weddings, or else they’re not going to show up.
So it’s either, forcing them to do something they don’t want, or not allowing them to do the things that they want.
In Sven’s video, he talks about how we have to realize that we have the power.
And we can claim this power for ourselves.
And yet it’s a very difficult thing for many people to do.
Because it’s like in the Spiderman movie, “With great power, comes great responsibility”.
As cheesy as it sounds, it is so real.
Responsibility over ourselves.
And I will share 2 responsibilities with you.
1) taking full responsibilities for our actions.
There is no longer someone we can rely on to tell us what to do, which means, if things go wrong, we don’t have anyone else to blame except for ourselves.
When I was dating my now husband, one of the things that kept looping in my mind is this: “What if I made the wrong decision?” (Translates to: what if mom was right?)
What if I was dumb enough to marry this guy, he hurt me, I would have to suffer.
If I’d gone ahead with the decision, I could no longer say, “But you told me to do it!”
That responsibility is mine to take on.
2) taking on the responsibility for our awareness and our own healing.
While living in a co-dependent world, most of us were raised in a “transactional” relationship.
If I do this for you, you owe me.
So you have to repay me in some way.
If I give this to you, there is an unspoken debt, that I expect you to give something back to me
In my household, whenever we get something from other people, my mom would always make it a point to “give back” something that is equivalent to that amount.
Someone treats us to dinner, she may give back money through red pockets.
If they got us gifts, she may treat them to dinner.
And especially in the Chinese culture, because of this value called filial piety, it’s ingrained in our psyche.
Where the parents sacrificed themselves for their kids and family, so when the kids grow up, they are responsible for taking care of the parents.
Of course in the ideal world, it is filled with love and free will, and because everyone feels loved, they would choose to do the loving thing. And it is still a choice.
But when the parents have gone to the extreme, taking full advantage of the kids, disrespecting them, and not acknowledging their hurtful actions, then the Child needs to take on this power to become aware:
“Hey! That’s enough! What you’d been doing is wrong, and I’m tired of your BS!”
And this power comes with a lot backlash.
Guilt - when the parents turn the victim mentality around, saying that it’s the kid who’s now being disrespectful, and harping on how much they’d sacrificed for the kid.
Isolation - when the parents get other people to gang up on them, turning their backs on them.
Shame - when the parents talk about how disappointed they are because their kids are bad, and getting other people to talk about them negatively.
And our power is to take on the responsibility to heal (after awareness).
Because no one can change us, and we cannot change others. We can only change ourselves.
We have to be responsible for taking care of our emotions and do our own healing, so that we can stand stronger for us.
And that is what claiming your power looks like.
Realizing that we have the power, and being ready to take on the responsibility for the power.
It is not easy, yet on the other side, it is so freeing
What if you can finally say:
I am doing this because this is the best for me, and I allow other people to be mad at me and I’m ok with that!
I can now say no to requests when it’s not in alignment with me, and I don’t feel the need to explain why I’m saying no.
And being able to say: yes, my kids are doing something that goes against me, AND I’m proud that they’re growing up to be their own person, I no longer feel the need to control them and their actions.
What about you?
Imagine this power is right in front of you, what would you like to say about your life once you claim that power?
And for sure, the middle ugly stuff will come up, and know that I am right here when you’re ready to go on this journey.
When you’re ready, you can always book a free 20-min consultation with me.
Let’s get you on this journey where you are truly powerful over your own life.
