Claudia Chan

Last night, my husband and I were playing Mortal Kombat 11, and at the end of the story line, we got to choose between playing as the good guy or the bad guy. Of course, without thinking about it, my husband chose the good guy.

But when I saw it, I was like, “WAIT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE GET TO CHOOSE???” (Choosing to be the bad guy means that the bad guy wins).

So of course, our son and I made him replay the ending as the bad guy, (too bad, it was a bit underwhelming).

Yet here’s the thing, when I was growing up, I loved those choose your own adventure books. I would always go back to previous points to see what could have happened if I picked a different outcome.

And interesting enough, while growing up, a part of me ALWAYS wondered and questioned why things had to be a certain way. Why can’t things be different?

Now why am I talking about this?

Because, sometimes, we may come across situations where we may feel like, “That is no other choices”.

But what if, there is?

When I started my business, my son was very young. I had to take care of my son, and I also had to work full time. Many times, I would feel bogged down by this nasty feeling called resentment.

I would look at other moms, and I would compare myself to them.

“Of course they could work on their business! Cause they’re stay at home moms!”

“Of course their business is flourishing because they had help from their moms or in-laws.”

“I have no time! I still have to work full time.”

“I still have to take care of my son.”

“I still have to take care of household chores.” (even though my husband takes care of a lot of things).

I felt defeated… I felt as if I had to put my dreams on hold.

If only I have more time to do the things I want!!!

While at the same time:

In my head, I could hear my mom’s voice, “You’re a mom now, so you have to give your son more of your undivided attention.”

I could also see how much my husband was doing at home, and my brain would say, “Claudia, you’re not pulling your weight as a wife!”

Resentment - Guilt - Disappointment.

I call it the unholy trinity, because they somehow go hand in hand, pulling me down a spiral.

Here’s an example of how it would pull me down:

On days my son would sleep a little bit later, even though it was only 15 or 30 min longer than usual, the unholy trinity would activate its energy…

“I don’t have time to do anything for me anymore!”

I would get upset at him, and by the time he was asleep, rather than starting to do my work, I would start scrolling through social media. Then I would see other people’s work, and I would feel even worse about myself.

A super awful combination.

I remembered one day, when I heard Brooke Castillo’s story, (the coach whom I completed my Life Coach Certification with), it stopped me in my tracks!

She talked about bringing her kids to the park one day, while watching them play, this idea came to her:

“I could actually stand up and walk away right now if I want to.”

When I heard that, I was like… “WAIT! What do you mean you can just stand up and walk away if you want to?”

Oh sh*t… she can.

There are so many women (and men) who just decided to get up and leave their kids.

Now, whether it is the “right” thing to do or not, that’s not the point.

The point is, she has a choice.

Just like picking a different option in the adventure book.

Just like picking to play as the bad guy in Mortal Kombat 11.

Now, maybe you’re in a situation where you feel like you’re stuck.

Maybe you have to take care of your kids.

Maybe you have to take care of your aging parents.

And this “obligation” has somehow turned into resentment-disappointment-guilt.

And this unholy trinity has somehow been pulling you downward.

“Claudia, why do I have to do this? But I don’t have a choice....”

I get it.

It’s such an awful feeling, that it just seems like there are no other options.

Here’s something I’d like to present you.

Take a deep breath in, and out.

And for a moment, just imagine yourself making the other choice in your head.

What if you’re allowed to choose the other option, let it go.

I know, guilt will come in, “But I can’t! I’ll be selfish!”

Yes, but this is imagination right now, you’re not really doing this for real.

Just for a moment, if you can allow yourself to let go of that inner voice, the one that labels you as a bad mom, or a bad daughter.

And imagine yourself choosing the other option…

What could happen in that world?

How will you feel if you can choose that option?

What are possibilities that can happen to make this option feasible?

Here’re some possible options:

Maybe you’d like to work through the guilt, so you can really allow yourself to choose something different to pursue your dreams.

Maybe you’d like to explore options of how to get help to lighten your load, so you can pursue your dreams.

Maybe you actually like what you have now. You just want to work through the unholy trinity, so that “resentment-disappointment-guilty” doesn’t have any hold on you. Which means, whatever little time you do have, rather than spiralling downward, you can use that time to pursue your dreams.

What do you want for you?

At the end of the day, you get to choose.

You can choose Option Parent/Kid

You can choose Option You.

You can choose Option Both.

Because you’re the one who makes your own choices in your own adventure.

I hope that this perspective can help you look at your life slightly different. I highly encourage you to imagine it for a moment, because you deserve to choose what's best for you.

If something comes up for you, I'd really like to hear about your experience. What came up for you? Share your response with me.