Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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Trading places to be “really fair”

July 10, 2024

First of all, here’s one new habit I’d been implementing. 

No cell phone in the washroom. 

And that’s because every time I bring my cell phone into the washroom for shower, I end up spending way too long in the washroom. 

What do I do? 

I friggin’ reply to messages (I’d chatted with people while I stand in front of the sink for 20 min, what? yup!) 

I watch stupid FB videos while I sat on the loo. 

So enough is enough, and I’m declaring no phone. 

I started yesterday (my birthday), today was hard, but I stopped myself from doing it. So great job! Woohoo!

*******

Today I wanted to share with you what I told my son about being fair.  

A few days ago, my son had a meltdown, because he said that it’s not fair that he doesn’t have the same amount of screen time as me and my husband. 

I told him, if he wants to have the same amount of screen time as me, then he’ll have to switch roles with mommy. 

I said, if I have 5 hours of screen time, two of which I have fun, but the rest are for work, how is that fair that he has 5 hours of screen time for fun? 

It took him a while to calm down, but I don’t know how much he took in. 

Today, during dinner time, we chatted about something, and he brought up the topic of fairness again. 

So I took this opportunity to repeat what I said. 

And then I added the following: 

You know Damien, when you grow up, you’ll be using more social media. 

Maybe you’ll see a boy who will post photos of his birthday party, and you’ll look at it, and you’ll say, mommy I want to do this! 

And I’ll say, no, and you’ll say, that’s not fair! 

But here’s the thing, this boy may only post things that are good. He’ll never post things that are not so good. 

Maybe he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents, maybe his brother keeps chasing him and hitting him. 

You don’t really know what goes on behind. 

Maybe deep down, that little boy may actually want his parents to speak to him like how mommy and daddy speak to you. 

So in order to be really fair, if you want that birthday party like that little boy, you’ll have to switch spots with him, then that will be fully fair. 

What mommy and daddy are trying to make you see, is that we’re only looking at things on the outside, but we don’t really know what’s going on on the inside. 

As I was telling him this, he was staring at me intently. And I think he got the just of it. 

It was a reminder for myself too, because that had been me throughout my life. Always comparing myself to others, somehow wishing I have what other people have. 

But I was really comparing apples to oranges.

Often times, we have a tendency to look at other people’s glamorous sides, and we may secretly wish for them, and then we forget all the great things that are going well for us. 

Other times, this feeling of envy may make us act harshly against others, maybe we put them down, or say bad things about them, because we feel that unfairness. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, where you really want to celebrate other people’s achievements, but deep down, you can’t bring yourself to be happy for them?

Yup… That was me, and sometimes, still me. 

I can still remember how deep I got pulled down into that darkness, hopelessness.

It was something I had to work really hard to get out of.

And I’m sharing it because.. it’s normal to feel that.

******

So to get out of it, this is one exercise I practice. 

I give myself 5 full minutes to thank everything in my life. 

This is what I’d chant: 

Thank you Anthony (my husband) for being in my life, I let you go. 

Thank you Damien (my son) for being in my life, I let you go. 

Thank you my condo, for providing a roof over my head, I let you go. 

Thank you mom, for sometimes being a pain in the butt, I let you go. 

Thank you mom, for loving me the way you know how, I let you go. 

Thank you my job, for providing me money, I let you go. 

And I’d go on and on for 5 minutes, giving thanks to whatever comes to my mind.

I thank all the good stuff, all the bad stuff, all the painful stuff, all the mundane stuff, all the amazing stuff, etc. 

Every time I do it, it takes me out of my darkness. 

So if you’re interested in it, give it a try and let me know how it goes. 

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach

TORONTO, ONTARIO CANADA

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