This week, I’d been taking some time off for myself after the speaking competition.
And I was reflecting how at this time last year, I wouldn’t have believed that I would stand on a stage in June for a speaking competition, won, and stood on stage to speak again in November.
For my entire life, my mom’s voice dominated over me.
She did believe that we have to speak up. But the way she did it was through yelling. Believing that the only way for her to make her point across and be in her power is to be LOUD , and shoving things into other people’s faces, showing them “what you did is wrong” and you should be doing it this way.
She grew up this way, because she worked at a clothing factory since she was 13, along with a bunch of men. Because she was a very-matter-of-fact-person, and could speak her mind, she rose up to be the manager of the factory under her boss.
It served her for her life, but the way she brought me up didn’t help me. Because I am very different from her, I believed that everyone should be given a chance to speak. And because I wasn’t given a chance to speak, I grew a very deep belief that my voice didn’t matter.
I had to learn the hard way to speak up and share my story, share my thoughts, share my feelings, EVEN IF no one is paying attention to me, EVEN WHEN no one cares to hear what I have to say.
And this takes courage, because as humans, often times we do care about what other people will say or do.
Because when we speak, it is painful when no one is listening, because it feels like rejection when no one is paying attention.
Have you ever been in a situation where you started sharing one of your stories? But midway through, maybe the other person got interrupted, or they looked away. You were hoping that they will say to you, “Hey, continue your story!” but they never did, so you wondered if you should continue your story?…. And then you didn’t….
Oh yup, so many times for me!
There are times where I still wonder if I should continue to share, and I have to continuously remind myself that I am worthy to be heard.
So are you! You are worthy to be heard!
Since December is coming up, and today is Nov 27th (and I heard that it’s the moon of Gemini, which is all about communication- I don’t know too much about this, I just heard it from someone)
I’d like to invite you to share a story with someone.
Maybe sharing how tired you’d been.
Or how happy you are. Or how much you’re struggling with your life. Or how excited you are for the upcoming holiday!
If you’d like to take on this challenge, I invite you to find a friend to share. Or if you don’t have anyone to share it with, you can send me an email, long, short, one line, up to you. Just so you start sharing, and letting your brain know that your voice is meant to be heard!
Let’s create some evidence for you!
I’m here to witness you, so that you can allow yourself to exercise your voice.
Because YOU matter.
Looking forward to hearing your stories!
This past weekend had been massive for me! Back in June, I entered a speaking competition with Speaker Slam. Since I won, I got a chance to be in the finals, where I competed against 13 other people, which happened this past Saturday!
There were so many lessons I learned from it, and I'll share 2 with you!
First and foremost, I am super proud of my accomplishments.
Even though I didn't win, I already won!
I won the moment I saw what my son got out of it.
My son is 6 yo, he got a chance to see other people go onto the stage to speak, and he was ABLE TO TELL ME EXACTLY what he liked during the event, it brought tears to my eyes. I worked so hard these past 5 years, and I saw the result!
While growing up, I wished that someone could show me more possibilities!
I wished I had someone to show me what they did to build a successful business. I wished I could shadow someone, to see how they interact with others, hear what questions they ask, how they present themselves, JUST SHOW ME HOW!
And because of my work, my son got a chance to see me speak on stage, and he got a chance to watch other people speak, for a 6 yo... And that was one of my wishes, to show my son what's possible, to show my son new possibilities.
I cried happy tears when I realized that.
Second, I learned to let go of expectations.
2 weeks prior to the speaking competition, one of my coach friend asked me, what if everything you do won't amount to anything?
No matter how hard you work, you won't make anymore money, you won't get anymore clients.
??It took me a long time to process this one.
If you're not understanding this, it took me a while to wrap my mind around it too.
Here's how he put it:
If you lose your earbuds (earphones), it sucks, but you can replace them.
If you lose your glasses, it sucks more, but you can still replace them.
but if you lose your fingers, no matter how hard you try, they won't grow back... right?
So you can be depressed, you can be mad, and at some point, you'd be like, okay, this is reality, I've had enough of this, what do I want to do now?
So in my situation, if I'm not going to get anymore money, or clients, and I'm at this spot I'm in forever, then what do I REALLY WANT to do, for me?
At first, it created a lot of despair within me...
Because for a very long time, I didn't want to be where I am.
I had to spend some time to go into my subconscious mind, to see that I'd been trapped in a "layer" where I called the Limbo. And I was so dissatisfied with it that I'd been trying to get out! I've had this feeling since I was a teenager. So some days, I'd be walking, some days running, some days crawling... but no matter what it was, I was just trying to get out! And when I finally become aware of this, I made myself slow down... and then stop. When I finally stop, I ended up dropping to to my knees and cried for 15 min.
That was my extremely strong tendency to chase what's outside.
The beautiful thing was, once I stopped crying, I was able to look at this Limbo, and see the landscape changing. It turned from a scene from a zombie movie (where it was all deserted and run down), to a vibrant, fun, beautiful city.
I am happy where I am.
This helped me gear up for the speaking competition. Because all I wanted was to go in, have a lot of fun, and believing that my voice is worthy to be heard.
I am very proud and satisfied where I am standing. It is totally amazing!
Anyway, once I have the video to my speaking, I'll definitely share more with you!
PS
How have things been with you?
In my email above, I shared how I was able to stop myself from chasing after the external things.
We have a tendency to keep looking outside, maybe we compare ourselves to others, or we may keep looking at our shortcomings.
Have you ever find yourself feeling upset about where you are in life because of all these external comparison?
I hope that you're able to take a moment for yourself to celebrate you. See all that you've accomplished, all that you have in your life. I celebrate you!
Here's a video of my accountability partners and I dancing to celebrate me speaking on stage!! Because we're just 3 crazy ladies! LOL
Recently, I’d been coaching a handful of people who said that they have no motivation to do anything.
While at work, they’re not motivated to work on their projects. At home, they’re not motivated to do more than the bare minimum.
They want to do more things, like exercise, or clean the house.
But they find themselves scrolling on the phone (while telling themselves they should sleep early), or they’re watching Netflix (while telling themselves they should go on the treadmill while watching).
So they feel bad, they feel lazy.
Here’s something I always say to them.
Our body knows exactly what to do that is the best for us.
Look at all the things you are doing right now!
I’m sure you can rattle off 10 things you need to do right away!
I need to do the laundry.
I need to pick up meds for my mom.
I should make something healthy too because we haven’t eaten so well lately, and you know what? Christmas is coming, so I need to list all the gifts to buy!
…. …. ….
Take a deep breath in.
And out.
Look at all the things you’re doing in your life right now.
Can you blame your body for not being “motivated”? It desperately wants to protect you from potentially burning out!
Nothing has gone wrong.
And that’s why I’m here to offer you, a free Community Hour called, “Stress Free Holidays”!
I’ll share with you tips on what you can do to de-stress.
We’ll go on a “Inner Knowing Journey to help you decipher between what you want to do vs what you have to do.
I’ll also share some tools to build your confidence, so you know what to say when your brain criticizes you.
The Community Hour will be held on
Monday Nov 6th, 8pm EST
Sign up here, Looking forward to seeing you!
My clients:
- are strong, smart, hardworking, intelligent, fun, creative, courageous, etc. And yet, they
- are frustrated with whatever they're dealing with now, it's been so many years and they're sick and tired of dealing with whatever they're facing
- have tried many different things to move forward, but nothing is working. They're getting disappointed, feeling like "it only works for other but not themselves"
- they'd been trying to deal with all of these through emotional eating, excessive shopping, spending a lot of time on Netflix, or even have thought of ending their lives
- are still fighting hard to believe that there is hope for them, things can change around
As a coach, I believe my clients:
- know exactly what they need, their bodies have an intelligence that act in a way that is best for them (which means whatever they'd tried before and didn't work, it was only because something else was blocking them)
- are learning to see their lives with new perspectives
- have a deeper knowing of what is best for them and are looking forward to learning more about themselves
- are excited to gain new skills to overcome whatever challenges they're facing so they can level up
- have the inner knowledge to solve any problems that they're experiencing
- know that they're meant for more and they're looking forward to what happens next
It is extremely important for me to create a space where my clients can freely express themselves. When we are allowed to say what we want to say and admit to the darkest truths, that's when we can let the pain and suffering go.
I believe that my role as a coach is to stay right there with my clients and guide them to their inner knowing.
So often, our inner knowing has been buried deep within us through years of living, listening to others, neglect, shame, blame, which are extremely painful. Now it is time for us heal ourselves, so that we can dig that back up, to trust ourselves and live truly as who we are supposed to be.
Also, while growing up, we were left to our devices to deal with everything in life, and part of us feel extremely alone and tired. When I was going through my own journey, all I ever wanted was someone to be right there, to stay beside me, hold me, cry with me, laugh with me, walk with me, be proud of me.
And this is what I came here to do, not only to to stay beside you, hold you, cry with you, laugh with you, walk with you, be proud of you. I am also here to give you tools, offer you new perspectives, cheer you on, and celebrate you. Because I see you at your highest, and I want you to see it, go toward it, and be it.
You are worthy to be fought for. And I'm right here with you.
If you'd like to work togethers, you can book a free 20-min consult with me, and we'll see if we're a good fit to work together.
For the last few weeks, I had kind of stoped creating content or making offers.
My brain had been really mean to me, saying things like, “You’re so lazy, of course no one wants to work with you.” “Claudia pull yourself together, why can’t you even get one task done?”
Then yesterday, I realized it’s because a part of my brain really believed that I was the only one working really hard for something (even though it’s not true), and it is at a point where it doesn’t want to keep going anymore. So it became really rebellious.
That was why it was coming up with every excuse to stop me from doing what I needed and wanted.
And I had to go into those feelings to work through that. Giving myself the permission to feel emotions, like anger, tiredness, disappointment… and I just let myself cried them all out.
Then I was able to go back to work.
Allowing myself to face the feelings without making it mean anything is a really big skill I have gained.
I have also gained a tremendous ability to be insightful about what exactly is causing the feelings, which allows me to help my clients pinpoint why they’re feeling the way they do.
So if you want to figure out why exactly you aren’t doing what you want to do, and you want to go further from where you are, book a free 20-min consult with me!
Let’s figure out what you want to work on, and I can share with you which areas we can dive into, so you can go further.
Because you deserve to go further, and right now you’re not moving because your body is trying to tell you something. And nothing has gone wrong!
Book your consult now and Let's chat!
It's September already!!
Can’t believe it's back to school. Our son is going to Gr 1 on Tuesday! New school! Have a mixture of excitement and nervousness!
This Thursday, I’d like to invite you to join me and my good friend Magda Diaz, from Elemental Truth, to redefine what it means to be a “good mom”.
In this post, I'd like to talk about acknowledging our kids.
A week ago, I took a nap prior to dinner. When I got up, we were close to eating, so I got a set of knife and fork to cut up my son‘s food.
Once I started cutting, I noticed a set of knife and fork set out by my son. But since I already used mine, I asked him to put the clean ones back.
He went into a full meltdown, because I asked him to put “his” knife and fork away.
At that moment, I thought.. arrgg, what’s the big deal anyway? It’s just a knife and fork.
I was trying to stay calm, but a part of me was like, Really? What the f-? 😤
He went on crying. I tried to ignore him by continuing to cut up food. Then eventually, my husband started hugging him.
Upon seeing this, I took a deep breath, and said, “I‘m sorry, I didn’t see your knife and fork. Are you upset because I didn’t use your knife and fork?”
He nodded, I said I’m sorry again. And then I told him, “I appreciate you putting it out, it’s just sometimes Mama doesn’t see things in front of me, so I missed it. Next time please let me know so I can see it.”
Then he calmed down, and went back to his happy self.
And just yesterday, he pointed out that he’d put out the cutleries for me.
Now you may ask, why is it important to acknowledge our kids? The world doesn’t do that. Wouldn’t it make my kid feel disappointed once he/she goes out into the real world, and doesn’t get appreciated?
And I’d like to propose that, THAT is the exact reason why I believe it’s important to acknowledge my kid.
So often, we put in an effort, but don’t receive a thank you. The world dismisses our effort, and it hurts like hell, but we were told to suck it up, that's how it is! And guess what? We end up dismissing our own effort!
How many times had we set a goal, accomplished it, and then went immediately to our next goal?
Or how many times did we do something, but rather than looking at the progress we'd made, we kept looking at the things we did wrong?
The truth is, no one can appreciate us more than ourselves, but because our parents never showed us how to appreciate ourselves, we didn't know how to do it, and end up dismissing our children's effort too!
I want to change that for my son. I want to demonstrate to my son I appreciate him, I see his effort. So he can learn to see his own effort, without needing to rely on others.
When I can encourage him, he can learn to encourage himself to keep trying, even when other people tell him no.
When I can appreciate his effort, he can learn to appreciate his effort, even when he fails and other people laugh at him.
When I can celebrate him, he can learn to celebrate himself, and continue to pursue his dreams!
Going after our dreams can sometimes be a lonely and scary journey.
But if we can understand what it means to appreciate our efforts, to celebrate ourselves, and have our own backs, it will make it easier for us to continue on our path.
So this is not just about acknowledging our kids. it is to learn to acknowledging ourselves.
and I invite you to join me to go on this journey, so we can demonstrate it to our children.
September is just a few weeks away, which means back to school is on the horizon. This year, my son is going into Grade 1! It was only 10 months ago, my husband and I were deciding whether to send our son to private school.
Like many other parents, we want our son to thrive! Academics is important in the Asian culture, and we also want to him to be a well rounded kid. So we signed him up for extra-curricular activities, like jiu-jitsu, abacus.
Yet, I also understand it is not what we offer our son, but how we interact with him that makes the most impact. We want to ensure he grows up feeling empowered, because for me, I wasn’t brought up this way.
I remember when I was in Gr 4 and 5, I was still in Hong Kong at the time, my mom would physically discipline me every day while studying, which made me really scared of "getting it wrong".
And instilling fear in our children is still a technique that is quite widely used.
One of the mothers I know shared how she would tell her kids that the police would take them away and send them to other families if they don’t practice piano.
And I’d even come across another mother, who glared at her son with an extremely disappointed look on her face, because she believed her son had failed to complete an “easy” task. While the son was crying from frustration.
Do these scare tactics work?
Let’s dive a little deeper to see how these can impact a child’s upbringing
Fear of speaking up
“I can’t say exactly what I want to say because other people will judge me or may hurt me.”
I remember having trouble speaking up to share my ideas at a more public setting (at school or at work). Looking back, I realized it was because I was scared of getting it wrong. My inner critic would question, what if it’s a “stupid” idea? What if I was totally off the mark? Other people would judge or make fun of me.
This also applies to facing conflicts in life and at work. I found it extremely difficult to speak up for myself in the middle of a conflict. I had a lot of fear of possibly getting hurt or getting yelled at by the other person.
I realized how much this fear hold us back, and when we stop speaking up, we start losing our voice.
Fear of rejection
“I can’t do what I want, because my parents will be disappointed in me and will stop loving me.”
For those of us who hold onto this belief that our parents would stop loving us when we do something to disappoint them, we may sacrifice our own identity and desire just to keep them around.
For example, some may go after a career or a position that they are not interested in, just to make sure that their parents will approve of them or keep loving them. This makes their parents feel proud, and may brag about them. But deep down, they may feel a sense of lost. Because they’re essentially giving up their their dreams and identities for someone else’s approval.
Dim their own light
“No matter how much I do, I’m still not good enough.”
For those of us whose parents have very hight expectations, we may keep being shown our flaws.
I remember my mom would keep telling me to stand straighter, or to make sure I’m well put together before heading out the door.
This made me hyper-focused on my own shortcomings, and made me dismiss all the effort I’d put in. I had a lot of difficulty showcasing my achievements, either dismissing them, or letting other people know that I still have all of these things I need to work on. This made it difficult for me to promote myself, and let other people know why they should hire me.
For some people, they may end up feeling de-motivated, because no matter how much effort they put in, it’s still not good enough, so they end up losing the drive to continue.
As a result, all of these create a person who may not be happy where they are. They may feel lost and wonder why they’re doing what they’re doing, yet feeling too scared to try other things. They may even feel trapped because they feel they’re not good enough to do something else to get to another place.
I felt exactly that way going through life, and I wanted my son to know that he is fully capable to do what he wants. So I’d like to share with you three strategies I use to empower my son.
1. Creating a safe space to speak up
Sometimes, my son may say he wants to do something that is contrary to what I want. And even though it may agitate me and we get into a fight, I always thank him afterwards for speaking up. I want him to know that his voice is important, and that it is safe for him to speak up at home.
Home is supposedly the safest space for a child to practice using his/her voice. I want him to know that he is safe to exercise this aspect, because I know how scary it can be to speak up in the real world. If I yell at him, he wouldn’t speak up at home, and why would he speak up outside? So it is very important for me to help him develop an ability to speak up for himself.
2. Letting him disappoint me
This is a concept borrowed from Glennon Doyle. To train my kid to disappoint me.
When I ask my son to do something, he’d usually cry and defy me, because he didn’t want to do what I ask. I’d usually explain to him why, and allow him to choose. While I’m working on being okay for him to choose something that disappoints me.
This is a way for him to explore who he really is, so he can develop his own identity. Through this, he knows full well that he has the freedom and ability to choose, and he also knows that there are consequences through his choices.
I want him to know that the choices he makes are not for us, he’s doing it for himself.
I am fully aware that I will eventually get disappointed from something he chooses, but I’m allowing myself to let go, so I’m not forcing him to follow what I want. And I let him know that I still love him no matter what.
3. Celebrating every win and effort
Every time my son encounters something difficult, I always celebrate the hard times with him. This is especially true when it comes to practicing complex activities or trying something new.
In school, we usually want them to get an A, but in real life, failure is a must. If we ever want to try something new, we will encounter failure. So I want him to understand that things are tough, and it’s okay to fail.
That’s why it is super important for me to sit alongside him to work through the feelings of frustration. And after each activity, I make it a point to let him know how proud I am of him for showing up, for practicing, for getting it wrong, and for working through each difficulty.
I want him to be truly proud of his efforts, and be able to own it and share it with others.
In order to support my son and raise him into an empowered kid, I personally had to heal through my wounds and work through many of my own triggers.
I never really blamed my parents for what they did, because I knew they loved me the best way they knew how. It wasn’t the best execution, and yet, I am responsible for my own life. And I don’t want to pass my traumas onto my son.
Through working on myself, I end up giving myself more love and support, and I can go after my goals and dreams for myself. I’m doing this so I can put my best foot forward to live the life I want. And through this, I am giving my son a chance to put his best foot forward to live the life he can call his own.
If you feel this is something you'd like to work on, I'd love to invite you to book a free consultation session with me! Let do this together, so that you could raise your children to feel more empowered.
