Now that the holidays is over, maybe you got a chance to reflect back on how it went.
Did you find yourself…
-doing everything to make sure other people are happy?
-making sure everything is running smoothly?
-catering to everyone’s needs before yours?
I remember growing up, I was always one of the few girls who would plan for all the gatherings. Because if I didn’t, the gatherings wouldn’t happen!
I’d make sure we stay connected, make sure everyone is available, make sure no one is left behind.
And there were a few occasions where someone couldn’t make it, and I’d suggest to keep the date.
But the immediate feedback would be, “Should we change it to another date? Because so and so can’t make it…”
REALLY???? That would INSTANTLY set me off.
Yet, I would cave, and continue to try, to make sure everyone was available and onboard.
But eventually, it sucked up all the fun for me!
I became resentful.
There were even a few times where I reacted childishly, made sarcastic remarks, to the point where it made other people uncomfortable.
And I stopped planning for gatherings.
Through the years of inner work, I learned that I caved and catered to others, because I didn’t want to be seen as lazy or inconsiderate.
Because growing up, my mom would use those words to describe me.
So even when I don’t want to do it, I would go the extra mile to prove to others (and myself) that I am not lazy and inconsiderate.
And at the same time, I learned that, EVEN IF I am a lazy and inconsiderate, it’s ok.
Because in order for me to give more of myself, I have to take care of me first.
So it’s ok for me to be “lazy” and “inconsiderate”. I learned to love me for them.
Two nights ago, I created a visual to help other people understand the basics of how people-pleasing tendency started. So I want to share them with you.
No surprise at all, we obtained most of our behaviours while growing up with our parents/care takers.
Our interactions with them could be too painful, too traumatic, so we changed ourselves to avoid the negative.
And the behaviour remains as we get older.
So even though our bodies get angry or resentful, we continue to do it.
But we are not our younger selves anymore. We want to be able to stand up for us, and decide to do things that are best for us.
And in order to break the people-pleasing cycle, to stop being responsible for other people’s feelings, to stand up for ourselves, we have to look at the ugly stuff.
We do so by processing our fears, heal our pains, build our courage and love ourselves.
If you are at a point where you are too sick and tired of feeling resentful and upset at everyone around you, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
I’d like to invite you to join me on a one month journey called Liberation. It’s a 1:1 sessions with 4-1hr zoom calls ($200 CAD for 4 sessions)
After working with me, you will feel freer to make the best decisions for you.
You will know exactly how to deal with the negative emotions when they come up.
You’ll find yourself doing things because you want to, not because you are forced to.
You also get to have peace and fun back into your life.
If you’re interested to learn more about it, I invite you to hop on a free 20-min consult with me, so I can get to know your situation, and we can see if we’re a good fit to work with each other!
If you don’t see a time that fits you, send me an email, and we can arrange.
That’s all from me for today!