Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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Allowing others to misunderstand me

June 27, 2024

Last Thurs, my husband and I came upon an event where I reacted "out of character" for me. And he got really mad, because in his mind, he saw me as being disrespectful/hateful toward him and his family.

I reacted that way because I was trying to protect our son.

So on Monday night, my husband was trying to clear this up with me again, at first, he asked me a simple question, which I answered. But after some discussion, I realized how hurtful that question actually was for me, because I felt as if he didn’t understand who I am.

And this is what I realized.

Even the one who is closest to me and love me, can misunderstand me.

They can still perceive my action to be hurtful because they’re looking at things through their own filtered glasses.

Even when I have no intention of hurting anyone.

Yet here’s the difference,

If they really care and want to understand me, they will try to talk and clarify with me.

If they don’t, then they will try to change me, tell me how I’ve done wrong, how I should or shouldn’t be doing something.

In their eyes, I will always be at fault.

And as someone who has people-pleasing tendencies, I care.

I care a lot about how others feel and think.

And I also have to constantly remind myself that my own feelings and thoughts matter, and they’re valid.

We’re all human, we all have our own truths, and other people’s truth cannot overpower our own.

Because changing my perspectives or stopping myself from sharing my thoughts is going to make me frustrated, resentful, disappointed, and eventually I die inside.

If the closest person to me can misunderstand me, (which nothing has gone wrong), others will too.

And it’s ok.

So when I looked at that part of me who wants to speak up, this is what I see her do.

Be able to drive the car and drift like Ryan Gosling’s character in Fall Guy.

I love this scene where Colt Seaver (Gosling’s character) decided to “take his life back”. He’s had it with being a valet parking attendant, so he decided to bring back the client's car by drifting through the parking lot.

Me taking the wheels! 🚘🚗 OH yeah!

When your loved ones misunderstand you, or when they try to change you, it can be very painful. (I cried non-stop for a good 20+ min. And I have to tell my husband not to feel guilty about asking me the question). All of these take courage, compassion, understanding.

So, if you are ready to speak up for yourself, and if you feel apprehensive in doing so (because it can be quite triggering on your own), reach out to me.

We can navigate through the messy emotions, and give you the power to stand for you, speak your mind.

Because your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as others. Because YOU matter.

Book a free 20min consult with me to see how we can approach this together.

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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