I had the opportunity of hosting a workshop for Mothers to Daughters, and had a chance to share my knowledge about fear with others.
Most of the times, I find that if there is something we really want to do but if we haven’t done it yet, it’s most likely because of fear.
But we don’t actually see it as fear, because our society doesn’t tolerate fear very well.
Most of the times, we see fear as a weakness.
We say things like,
Why are you scared? There’s nothing to be afraid of!
Oh c’mon it’s nothing!
Oh scardy cat!!! Scardy cat!
So we “push” fear to one side, or stuff it down and white knuckle our way through.
But when we feel fear, our brain is giving us a warning, saying that it’s really afraid of something.
And when we ignore the signal and keep going, our brain will send out a bigger signal to stop us the next time!
If we muscle our way through again, our brain will send an even bigger signal the next time!
That’s when procrastination happens! That’s when we stop ceasing movement forward. And then we think it’s a problem, we say things like,
Oh I have “no motivation”.
It’s not what I really want to do.
I’m not cut out for this.
But all of these are NOT true.
It’s just our brain trying to hold us back.
So I shared with everyone that there are two things to understand.
First, fear doesn’t like to show up as fear, it likes to disguise itself as the following:
Logic - it’ll be irresponsible for me if I quit my job to do what I want!
Excuses - I’m too tired from today’s work, it was a stressful day
Blame - I wanted to work on my business but my son got sick again!
Over-analysis - what if they laugh at me, or what if I don’t know how to respond?
Guilt - I shouldn’t do that because my parents sacrificed so much for me.
Perfectionism - I have to work on the script again, or I have to keep taking another course!
So what is your fear’s disguise?
So many times, I was either blaming someone in my life, or I’m making excuses for myself. I was also criticizing myself a lot, being a super anal perfectionist! Those were some of my fear's disguises!
Second there are three types of fear
Fear of Lost of love - being abandoned or rejected, scared that other people no longer love us or support us.
In the old days, if we were ever abandoned, we couldn’t survive!
Fear of Physical or emotional pain - getting physically or emotionally hurt by others if we do something
There was a time when “witches” were being burnt and we would be physically tortured and humiliated if we did outrageous things!
Fear of failure/the unknown - fear of not having enough skills and feel incompetent and not knowing what the outcome is
If we wanted to fight an animal, and if we were physically incapable to do so, we would die!
Our brains had to survive those times, and they protected us so we didn't die! Our brains had evolved to keep us alive. Even though these fears don’t serve us anymore, it’s natural that we’re still stuck with them!
To overcome them, we have to be able to pinpoint what exact fear we’re facing, and then we process that emotion to embrace it.
Embracing it means, to drop into our body and feel the emotions. Be able to describe the feeling in our body.
It’s this simple, yet we don’t like to do it because it doesn’t feel good!
But embracing it is so important! Because it means to acknowledge our brains and say, hey, I know you’re scared right now, but we’re feeling it right now, and we’r safe. There really is nothing to be afraid of.
Once we embrace it, THEN we can move on.
I’m not saying we can’t move on without processing it, but when we don’t, we feel a lot of resistance moving forward. The forward momentum feels very heavy.
After processing it, the resistance may still be there, but it’s a bit lighter, because we know it’s just an emotion.
So many times we want to try something, and fear is right there! It’s inevitable!
So now we learn to take care of ourselves by creating a safe space for our brains, let our brains know that we’re not in danger.
We can trust ourselves, and we have our own back, no matter what really happens.
If you’d like to learn how to process your fear because there is something you really want to do, even just as simple as speaking up for yourself, I’d love to help.
I’m offering free 30-min coaching session where we can process your fear. And decide on how you want to feel instead.
Imagine how life can be like if you can be you! Not caring about what other people say, you can do what you want, say what you say, be how you want to be, without fear, without guilt.
Look, you’d been doing so many things for other people in your life, you’re seeing so many people move forward, but what about you?
It’s time to look after yourself. It’s time to focus on you!
The first step to do that is to get over your fear.
I can help with that, see for yourself and book a session with me now!