Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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Loved for who you're pretending to be?

July 8, 2024

Tomorrow is my birthday! And we went to the beach today for some fun. 

I was going through my coach’s materials, and came across this quote. 

“I’d rather be hated for who I really am, than loved for who I’m pretending to be.” 

In it, she talked about how being more ourselves is such a wonderful idea, but why wouldn’t more people do that? 

That is because in order to be more ourselves, we actually have to actively choose grief, and if I may add, fear.

Grief for the potential of losing the people we love, or losing physical security, financial security, etc. 

Fear for potentially getting hurt, yelled at, shamed, etc. 

When I had to make the choice between my then boyfriend (now husband) and my family, I had to deal with the pain of my family walking away. 

When I spoke on stage about this incident during my speaking competition, I had to take care of the fear of potentially hurting my husband and my parents all over again. 

When I work with my clients who want to stand up for themselves, some of them felt paralyzed at the potential of getting kicked out by their family, or at how they might bring “shame” to the family.

Taking each step may feel like walking through fire. And for some people, they'd rather not...

And yet, the question remains to be:

Would you rather to be hated for being who you are? Than loved for who you’re pretending to be?

As this is the last day of my 43rd year, it is definitely a question I'd like to invite you to ponder for yourself.

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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