I was on a coaching call this morning, and had a breakthrough, so really wanted to share this with you.
Since I was in high school, my motto had been, “Do your best but expect the worst.”
I was extremely scared of failing and disappointing myself, so I trained myself to expect the worst. This way, the result I get will never be as bad as can be.
I had been operating with this mindset for a very long time, and it had helped me get through so many things.
But now as I am working through my beliefs, I discovered that this exact belief had completely stopped me from celebrating my own achievements.
Not once in my life, had I truly been proud of what I had done.
It was really tough for me to tell myself, hey, look at this! You did this!
I had studied hard and I work as a radiation therapist full time since 2004.
I had my fair share of failed relationships, and had 3 guys walked out on me.
I stood up to my family to be with the person I truly love.
I had self published 4 colouring journals
I had created a calligraphy and engraving business, where I had taught students how to do calligraphy, and engraved for brand name stores like Dior, Guerlain, Fendi.
I am a certified Life coach
I have bought our family the condo we're living.
I have financially supported my family through 6.5 years
I am working on my dream, working closely with my clients to make their dreams come true.
And I'm not listing these to impress you.
I had always seen myself as a small chinese girl, and I am not good enough to offer anything.
And this is a list I'm reminding myself, how much I have accomplished.
With this protective belief of mine, I didn't see any of it, feel any of it.
When I shielded myself from feeling scared and disappointed, I also shield myself from feeling excited and proud of myself.
When my coach challenged me to let go of this belief, I felt so much resistance.
Letting go of expecting the worst. Can you imagine what that means?
Expecting the worst, means I have a protective bubble around me, so whatever happens, I am immune to the pain, to the disappointment.
Letting go of this belief means.. I’m not going to be protected anymore. I’m going to be wide open for the disappointment, for the pain, for the judgement. For everything.
And that’s scary!
My fear brain is saying, you’re not letting go of that!
But this part has also blocked out my achievement.
When I talk about all the things I’d done with my coach, instead of feeling happy, I cried. Because I felt like I still didn’t do enough.
By letting go of this bubble, I am welcoming the upcoming disappointments and pain into my life.
I am also welcoming and cherishing my successes, accomplishments, love, effort, joy.
And this is true for a lot of things.
I mean, have you been hurt so badly in a relationship that you didn't want to get into another relationship, becuase you didn't want to get hurt?
You think, I don't want to open myself up anymore, because I don't want to get hurt.
In blocking out this pain, you also block out the potential of finding someone who will love you.
You block yourself from the excitment, from the joy, from the satisfaction, from the potential of what can be!
It is only when you allow yourself to feel the negative side of the coin, like pain, disappointment, frustration, fear, then you will be able to allow yourself to experience the positive side of the coin.
It is the scariest yet most exhilarating thing in the world.
And I invite you to do this for yourself, for the one life you have.
Letting go of the protective bubble is scary! Many times I ask myself why am I doing this?
And every time, after I work through my emotions, I give myself the same answer.
I do it because I want to see what else I am capable of.
Not for the sake of proving myself, but for the sake of, I only live life once, and I really want to see how far I can go.
It is hella scary. But feeling scared is a feeling, it is an emotion created by a thought in our head.
And I can help you, I can teach you how to face this fear and find out that it is only a vibration in the body.
When you're not afraid to face this feeling, you'll find it much easier to give things in your life a try.
You'll still be scared, but you'll be more willing to try.
It is a process that I can guide you through. You don't have to do it alone.
I am willing to let go of my own scary bubble, so I can be all in, make my life all worth it.
If you are contemplating of letting go of your fear, book a session with me, so we can chat.