With the holidays fast approaching, that means gatherings will be happening soon.
This may be a stressful time for you, because this is when a lot of inappropriate comments, unwanted questions and unsolicited advices will be made.
These may include:
When are you getting married?
You should be having more kids.
Have you found a job yet?
Did you gain some weight?
You should show up to this event.
Here’s something I teach my clients.
You can TAKE CHARGE of how you want to respond to these comments and questions.
When I talk to people about it, they’re usually like, what do you mean I can take charge?
Here is what I mean:
We are raised to believe that our emotions are caused by other people’s actions.
But we know we cannot control other people’s actions, and we feel disempowered.
So here’s what we usually end up doing:
Feeling hurt, so we cry and sulk in front of them, or we yell and force other people to change their behaviours.
But rarely can we actually control other people’s actions.
I’ll share this with you:
Here’s what really stands between their actions and your feelings. Your thoughts.
You can either keep blaming them, and wanting them to change, and remain feeling disempowered.
Or you can take responsibility and take charge of your own emotions and how you respond them them.
Understanding that our thoughts cause our feelings is the first step to taking your power back.
A very simple example I always give to my clients is this.
Your relative can say, “I don’t like how your blue hair looks on you.”
If you don’t have blue hair (and assuming that you don’t) You’re not going to feel hurt by this comment.
You may feel confused, because you may be thinking, “I have no clue what my relative is talking about.”
But you won’t feel hurt or triggered by this comment because you don’t have blue hair, and you don’t have any hurtful beliefs about yourself around this.
But if your relative asks, “Did you gain some weight?” Or
“When are you having your next kid?”
Now you may feel triggered, because deep in your mind, you do have some sort of belief surrounding these issues.
“I’m not looking like what’s expected of me, I’m not beautiful enough.” Or
“I’m not doing what’s expected of me, I’m not a good enough wife.”
These beliefs had been ingrained in you since you were a kid.
You are expected to be a certain way, or you must behave a certain way in order to feel accepted.
I’m not dismissing or condoning other people’s behaviour.
But ultimately, these questions or comments hurt, or they make you irritated, or shameful even, because you have a strong belief about yourself.
And they are very painful beliefs to have!
What I do, is I help my clients identify all these thoughts and beliefs.
Dig them up and look at them.
Process the painful, irritating, annoying, or whatever feelings that come with it.
And then we ask: Is this thought really true about me?
If it is not true, and if it’s not something that serves me anymore, then what do I really want to believe about myself?
How do I want to feel?
And most importantly, HOW do I want to respond when other people are doing the things I don’t like?
Do I want to confront them and tell them to f-off? Or
Do I want to let it go and not be bothered by them?
And this is important!
Because by you going through this process, you get a chance to sort through all of the beliefs that you’d accumulated over so many years (42 years for me!)
And You get to look at all of them and decide if this is really who you are, and if it’s something you want to keep for yourself!
You get to create the real version of yourself, to redefine who you really are.
So you can LOVE yourself the way you are. Love yourself the way you want.
And when you love yourself, you stop giving a sh*t about what other people say about you.
You become stronger in your voice.
When you decide to speak up, you can let other person know that they’ve crossed the line, and it’s inappropriate of them.
Or you can be cool and calm and say, “That doesn’t bother me, it’s not even worth my time, they can say whatever they want to say.”
You give yourself your sanity back, you take your time back, you take your energy back!
This is how you get to take charge! You get to take control back over how you want to feel when other people do whatever they do.
That is the power you get to have.
If that is what you want, then let’s get you on this path!
Book a free 60-min Jump Start Conversation with me, and we can identify which areas you’d like to work on, how you want to show up for yourself, and see if we’re a great fit to work together!
I want you to be who you truly are!
Because what other people do or say, they don’t define you.
You are beautiful, smart, ambitious, giving, and you get to decide for yourself what is best for you.
Take that power back and truly be yourself!
