Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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What If You'd Been Manipulated?

September 7, 2022

My son is finally back at school after a week off. We planned for a water park one day because Damien started swimming over the summer, so we thought he'd enjoy it! But because he got a little sick, so we couldn't go into the park itself. But since we've already booked a hotel stay in Niagara Falls, so we still went for our trip.

You can click here to see a video of our shinanigans

You know, as a woman, I find myself keep trying to fix things and trying to aniticpate for everything that may happen in the future.

Like for this trip, just the packing alone, I already didn't like packing for myself, but having to pack for another person (or two - son and sometimes husband) really ticked me off.

I did get agitated at one point, because here I was going around PACKING, and I kept seeing my husband being in front of the computer.

So my husband had to remind me again, that I shouldn't worry too much about it.

(Quick response: What do you mean I shouldn't worry too much about it?! If I don't worry about it then who will???!!!)

Right? Hahaha

But as maddening as it is, what he said was true. Because here's what's really happening within my head..

My agitation is not stemmed from me doing the packing, and my husband being in front of the computer.

My agitation stemmed from the pressure I put on myself for NEEDING to making sure everything is packed, that nothing is forgotten...

Because this is what happens when things get forgotten:

Someone will ask me where the item is.. Mom, did we pack this? Babe, did we pack that?

And this is how I feel when I get asked the question: I feel like I'm being blamed for forgetting it.

Because if I was a good mom, I wouldn't forget the item, right?

I had to learn to let this expectation go

When someone ask me for an item that's not packed, I had to learn to simply say, "Oh it's not here? Well, that was your responsibility."

And then smile and keep enjoying my time.

Now let's get a little deeper than that.

Because the real question is, why was I doing what I was doing?

Packing for everyone, believing that it's my responsibility to take care of everything, and feeling so much pressure and agitation?

It actually goes deeper than being a good mom.

At the end of the day, I just wanted to feel appreciated and loved.

"Look! My mom remembered this thing for me! Thanks mom! I love you, Mom!"

How do you feel from reading that response?

You feel like it's all worth it, right? (Or maybe you actually believe: if other people are happy, then I'm happy).

Listen to me, I call this BS.

Here's why:

Imagine you're a kid, you work so hard, you do things you don't like to please your parents, all because you want them to praise you, but you get no response.

And then you hear your mom mention how great of a daughter you are, so then you keep doing what she asks you to do even when you don't agree with her, even when you're doing something you don't like to do!

That's called manipulation. This is how we start people-pleasing!!

All you want are love and attention from your parents, but you had to bend over backwards to get them to love and appreciate you.

Just like in the previous scenario. You are taking on all this responsbility for everyone, you're hating what you're doing, and then suddenly your spouse or kids says, "Thanks Mom!" "Thanks Babe!" You melt and tell yourself, it is all worth it!

What's wrong with this picture?

Women had been programmed to sacrifice ourselves, abandon ourselves, do things we don't like, to please other people, in order for us to receive love and appreciation.

That's what's wrong.

What if we don't need to do that?

What if YOU can feel loved and appreciated, without doing more, without doing things you don't like, without sacrificing yourself?

AND you don't need other people to change their behaviors.

This is called Self-Love.

When you have the ability and capacity to love yourself, then you can be true to yourself.

You no longer need to bend over backwards to get other people to love you. You don't need to go against your values to get other people to appreciate you.

This means, you can simply let your husband and kids know that packing is their responsibility. And you can let everything go.

They may still forget to pack things. And when they ask where the item is, you can tell them, "Oh it's not packed? Well that was your responsibility." And be truly happy about it.

And I truly want this for you.


When you're doing something that you don't really enjoy, ask yourself this question.

Why am I doing what I'm doing?

If you hear yourself say any of the following words, then watch out!

I need to...

I should..

I have to... 

There is a secret programming in there.

One of the keys to learning to love yourself is to get to know yourself.

I'm offering 30 min free coaching call. And you can experience firsthand what coaching is like.

What happens during this call is that we'll take a look at some of the thoughts you are having, find out where they come from, and how they're affecting your life.

What we have in our life now, is a reflection of the beliefs we're holding in our brains right now.

If we can find out what these beliefs are, then we can learn to let them go, and create new thoughts and new results.

That is how I created the results in my life: I became a life coach, an international bestseller, an international speaker

Our brains are by far the most powerful tool we possess!!! We have this awesome tool! Let's learn to work with it to create the results we want!

So if you're interested to take a look at your brain, and see if coaching is right for you, I invite you to hop on a call with me

Looking forward to working with you!

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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