Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach
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The tricky question: What do you want?

February 4, 2022

You know what's funny? For the longest time, I don't know what I want. After doing so much work, I realize that I'm here to help people figure out what they want.

And it is such a tricky question! I was thinking about this, and came across this post by @nakedpastor

We are raised to deny our wants since we were young. Whatever we wanted, they were rejected, frowned upon.

I mean I can share the simplest story with you.

My son kept saying, "He doesn't want to go to school."

And deep down, I know he really doesn't want to go to school, not the fact that it's not fun for him, or anything bad is happening at school. But he just prefers not to go (like myself, as I always prefer to stay at home instead of going out).

But I had to make him to go school.

His want, denied.

Or let's say we go to the store and he wants to get a toy. Or he wants to play with something at home at a time that doesn't work.

You know what happens? His requests get rejected.

And so many times, he had expressed how angry he is with us, "because we keep saying no" to him.

These are really simple and basic things that he wants, and they get denied.

Then there are bigger things along the way.

What do we want to do with our lives? Are our actions "appropriate"?

What if we don't want to visit a relative but we're "forced" to?

What if we don't want to study a subject, but we're "supposed" to?

What if we don't want to do this for a living, but we're "made" to?

Our decisions get judged.

For so long, we've been guilted into doing things that go against what we really want.

We've been made to feel wrong when we choose not to do something.

We've been made to feel bad when we decide to do something.

So when I ask you this question: What do you want? I understand that it's not an easy question to answer.

And I'm going to tell you one thing: deep down, I believe you still know what you want.

It's just that you aren't able to trust it because you haven't worked on this for the longest time.

And maybe you're even afraid to verbally say it out loud, because when you do, you feel that you'll be judged for being too greedy, or selfish, or childish.

They are not! If that's what you really want. They are not greedy, they are not selfish, and they are not childish. They don't have to contribute to society. They don't have to do any good to anyone. As a matter of fact, you don't need to explain anything to anyone.

And if you feel strongly about it, you are allowed to go after it!

You may say.. but I still don't know what it is I want! Well, if you really want to find out what it is you want in life, there is a way.

We need to do a little more work to uncover it.

Not only that, we have to give you that space, so you can feel safe first and foremost!

We can't judge it. We have to allow for you to explore, discover, and accept whatever comes up. It is not a straightforward answer, but it will be truly worthwhile!

What is your view about going after what you want? What do you think is holding you back from going after it?

Claudia Chan

Professional Certified Life Coach


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